It should also be asserted that I may be slightly biased in my opinions. I am by no means a feminist, but as someone who has always been very uncomfortable with my gender, I occasionally feel the need to voice my frustrations at inaccurate stereotypes.
The whole concept of friend-zoning is rather depressing. For those who are unfamiliar, it's the notion that a individual, who has romantic interest in another, is kept at arm's distance because the other party isn't interested him or her romantically. It's a modern term for unrequited love. Usually, but not always, this term is used to refer to men who have been boxed into this "zone" by a woman.
I understand that the rejected party feels hurt. I truly do. I've had to give heartening pats on many occasions. But one must understand that, in most cases, it is not meant to be hurtful. The other party doesn't want to engage in a romantic relationship with the individual in question and there could be REASONS for the rejection.
Examples being:
- You smell funny. Maybe you forgot to brush your teeth. Maybe you're wearing too much deodorant or cologne. Maybe you forgot to change your socks. Or it could just be your MHC genes are different, making you smell funny just to that one person.
- You have nothing or little in common. If you're going to spend copious amounts of time together, don't you want to be able to have awesome conversations? If the only overlap is sports, the two of you would be doing very little talking...and that's nothing to base a relationship off of. Many people are okay with such physicalities, but in a long term (and satisfying) relationship, you need to have the same notions of spending time with one another. If she likes spending her free time at the gym and he likes playing video games all day, you may have some problems.
- You have viewpoints on certain topics that the other party STRONGLY disagrees with. Such as religion, whether or not to have children, treatment of said children, crazy conspiracy theories, the ability to talk to dead people (a friend once dated someone who claimed this...)
- You make the other person uncomfortable. If you come off as crazy desperate, most of the time you aren't going to find a date. If you constantly stare at the other person's body parts (breasts, crotch, etc), you will make the other party seriously uncomfortable. If you are overly insistent, you're probably going to have issues. I had a guy beg me to go off with him once - he grabbed my hand and refused to let go. That is NOT okay and it seriously makes people uncomfortable.
- The other person might not find you attractive. No other way to put this. This applies to everyone. Watch this video to feel better: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYUtVsA-wi4
- Some other quirk or habit that the other person finds off-putting. If you drink until you drop on the first date, there might not be another one. If you're constantly texting/browsing the interwebs during the meal, the other party might think that YOU think they're boring.
This next bit applies to everyone. When you try to become friends with someone you want to have a relationship with, especially if he/she is already in a relationship, try not to get disappointed when the person rejects you. That person didn't become friends with you for the same reason. That person saw something nice in you, but that doesn't mean s/he wants to get involved with you that way. S/he saw you as someone worthy of being friends with. That doesn't mean that s/he hates you, or even "friend-zoned" you. That person probably doesn't even know that you had ulterior motives.
This seems MUCH more common among men than it is among women, but it really does apply to everyone. When you have ulterior motives in becoming friends with someone, that person can be just as hurt when s/he finds out you only wanted to get into his/her pants. Think about that.
